How your serving can solve 3 problems with small group studies
The other day, I read a post by Jason Wert at Spin The Axis about why he’s not a big fan of small groups. I knew I needed to write about small group studies after reading his thoughts.
First off, I’d like to say I’m not disagreeing with Jason. The issues he raises are legitimate concerns. That’s exactly why I’m addressing them. I appreciate him mentioning them. Each is a silent problem – many of us feel them but don’t have a voice to speak up about them. Since we don’t adequately address the problems, we don’t know how to tackle them.
I’m going to respond to some of the issues here by making the audacious claim, as I often do, that the solution is others-orientedness. As a result, the lessons in this apply to most church involvement, not just small groups.
“You feel the pressure to plug in even when you don’t want to do it.”
Why would you not want to plug in? I see how you might feel this way, but usually the reason for not wanting to get involved is lame.
You’re supposed to plug into church to give, not to get. I have a hard time thinking of any situation where plugging in would hamper your giving ability. Most of the time, I’d guess the reason you don’t want to get involved is selfish. Selfishness eats us all. Sad (and harsh) but true.
If you really have a legitimate reason to not participate because the freed opportunity would allow you to serve in other ways, then it’ll be easy to speak to a pastor or other leader about it. Even though leaders want everyone involved in their programs, they certainly excuse members who have others-oriented reasons for not participating.
“When you get into a group, you feel like you have to stay in it.”
Yes, it is awkward getting to that point – perhaps that’s how it should be. Fellowship is a committed relationship. I’m not promoting manipulation tactics, but we have developed a habit of coming and going as we please in large congregations. That coming and going is just more pronounced in small groups.
Think of your small group as innocent until proven guilty – you participate until proven otherwise. That’s not what most members want to hear, I know. Again, though, if you have a legitimate reason for leaving, it’s not going to be that difficult to explain it to others. Leaders don’t like people giving excuses, but they do like excusing people who give. (And I’m not talking about money here.)
“You risk being negatively labeled by church leaders/other members.”
Church leaders label you that way because they join groups no matter what. They usually don’t have the luxury of choosing. I’m sure exceptions exist, but for the most part leaders are stuck with those they get.
Church leaders don’t always want the followers they attract. If you’re operating from a self-oriented perspective, you might not realize that. Church leaders put up with their followers whether they like them or not. They learn to like them. Why shouldn’t we expect the same for everyone else?
You can avoid negative labels by committing. Leaders and other members shouldn’t gossip about you – they should talk to you (that might be the pressure you feel to join or commit). But if you’re running around on the church, are you sure your leaders don’t deserve the warning? I mean, if a problem member were hopping around, wouldn’t you want your leadership to communicate about it?
My response in one sentence
In general, the answer to all these issues is to approach church as a place to give, not to get (have I said that enough already?).
I apologize if this post sounds callous – I realize I’m assuming a perfect world. Of course, not everyone lives an others-oriented lifestyle. Not everyone knows how to live that lifestyle. So far, I’ve only said what to do but left out how to do it. I’m going to followup, though, with a post explaining that, explaining how to connect in a small group study.
Bottom line: it’s not fair to fault the format (small group study or otherwise) when the problem is the people, as it usually is.
[Note: Jason also made a fourth point in his article: “Your church risks isolating members from leaders.”
This is realistic. This does happen. This is a problem. From my perspective, Jason’s dead on with that one. For that reason alone, small group studies might not be the best idea. For now, I’m leaving this open (I might address church leaders on it in a future post). Feel free to add your feelings about it in the comments.]
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Think serve. When you join or think about joining a small group (or participate in any church function), come at it with a servant’s heart. Consider what you can do to improve small group studies instead of what you can do to benefit from them the most.
(2) Sign up for free updates via RSS or email or stop by again tomorrow to learn how to connect in a small group.