Learning from mY Generation: Stories on the art of listening

Josh Riebock sent me a copy of his book, mY Generation: A Real Journey of Change and Hope. As he and I discussed when I chatted with Josh, the book is NOT a how-to guide. <<Shucks, that’s really what I wanted. :)

Before reading the book, I researched it a bit, more than I would normally research a book before I read it. Still, going into it, I didn’t expect to learn what I did from the book: to listen.

Each time I put down the book, between sections, between chapters, and then when I finally finished it, I always came away thinking, Wow, so the key is to listen.

And throughout the book, Josh was able to use what he’d heard to share why listening is so crucial.

[Note: I’m probably not that great of a reviewer. This is totally opinionated – I’m not even trying for objectivity. This is just what I learned, what I took away from the book… and what I hope to share with you.]

Listening to relate

Josh hooked me with his “Prelude” because he jumped right into relating to me and Gen Y in general. I think this is on the back cover too:

“We are the generation of tattoos, extreme sports, and Starbucks; the generation of video games, the Internet, cell phones, social networking, and iPods. We are the generation of authenticity, social justice, a new kind of church, racial diversity, professional flexibility, tightly knit communities, and overnight sensations. We are dreamers, hopers, innovators, idealists, peacemakers, and imaginaries.”

The thing that struck me as I read descriptions like this was that we’re not that different from previous generations. While I think the circumstances that surround each generation might be slightly different because of changing technologies, styles, and so on, I don’t think people are fundamentally different from generation to generation.

Isn’t every generation full of dreamers, hopers, innovators, idealists, peacemakers, and imaginaries?

You can argue that with me later, my point is this: Gen Y people as individuals are different, just like people from every other generation. And it takes an attentive listener to start to understand anyone in any meaningful way.

Assumptions and stereotypes are everywhere, and many of them are useful for understanding on a general level. But when it comes to following Jesus, it’s no longer about the general level. It’s about each specific person in our lives.

So I’m trying to listen more individually and more attentively.

It was odd – as much as I wanted mY Generation to be a page-turner, it really wasn’t for me. I set it down for days at a time on multiple occasions. But each time I returned to it, I wondered why I’d left for so long because I did enjoy the read.

That experience itself was similar to how I often relate to people. I love it when I do sit down and have deep conversations and really listen, but for some reason, I go through seasons where I forget that amazingness.

Personally, I need to force myself to listen, just like I sometimes need to force myself to jog. Because once I get started I remember, “Man, I love this stuff.”

How to be relevant

Josh called one of the chapters “He came from London.” When I finished that chapter, I flipped back to the title and wrote next to it, “How to be relevant.”

Relevancy is really what we all want… or at least that’s what so many of us say we want. We want to connect pious info to real life. And in this chapter, Josh shares how to do it.

He’s not a how-to guy, though – remember that. Instead, he shares how through the stories he tells…

  • Like the one about the n0t-so-relevant, plaza evangelist
  • Like the one about Josh’s mother defending him in spite of his yet-to-be-licensed driving skills
  • Like the one about the conversations with Eddie, the friend Josh thought he had figured out

But here’s a spoiler: humility creates relevancy.

  • The plaza evangelist showed what humility didn’t look like
  • Josh’s mother showed what humility did look like
  • And Eddie provided Josh an opportunity to practice it

That’s a spoiler because it means that for all this talk about relevancy, what we’re really lacking is humility.

(To be fair, the chapter subtitle was, “Finding relevance while destroying an evil empire.” I like that too.)

Listening to God is listening too

I enjoyed a lot of the quirkiness in Josh’s writing. In many areas, he seemed to drift off topic or change perspectives. He also seemed to use certain details in odd ways. In some cases, I specifically stopped to think, “Wow, what a cool way of saying that – I’d not thought of it like that before.”

But even though I liked these sections individually, I felt that many of them also made the overall reading choppy. The twists were smart, but they didn’t seem natural to me for some reason. They seemed like something an author would write after thinking for hours about a certain sentence or paragraph… but not something that author would actually say in real life.

I’d say that was a downside.

So, the takeaway from that for me… share in your own voice, Marshall. <<Dang… that’s way hard. :)

All that to say, the chapter titled “Wetlands” seemed like one of these sections. I was like, “Okay, I got this – listening is the key. Now what’s this chapter doing in here? Why’s it written from my soul’s perspective? And now that we’ve finished with that weird perspective, why is Josh talking about Christian Bale man-crushes?”

Ah, but then I realized, this final piece… this chapter’s still about listening. It’s about listening to God.

Weaving through various personal stories again, Josh relates his struggle to be still and listen to God in the midst of all the “ministry.” One particularly painful example for me was the email he shares… the email I’d already read… and needed to send…

On page 203, Josh shares an email he says he’s received in some form multiple times. It’s one of those emails that basically says, “I feel like you’ve been an idiot because you cared about ministering more than you cared about me, but I’ve been an idiot too because I’ve not said anything to you about it, and I’ve never tried to reconcile the situation… until now.”

Bonus aside:

As I read that email, one person in particular came to my mind. After I read it, I typed up the exact email from the book, changed the names and then a bunch of the words, and sent it to a friend… one who’s not really been a friend lately because we’ve [ahem] “grown apart.”

Yes, Josh, I totally plagiarized your work – I guess you could say I’m citing it now, though… is that cool?

I don’t know yet what’s going to come as a result of that email, but overall I’d say the book is worth it just to get that template. :)

And yeah, I’m like you, Josh: I need to slow down the ministry side and start to rest in what God really wants for me. And you and I aren’t alone.

So… a summery

(…The one Josh might not like because it reduces years of work into two bullet points)

  • Listen to individual people… humbly
  • Listen to God… slowly

It’s putting that into practice that takes years and work.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Listen. Really try to understand people. You won’t actually be able to understand them (and that’s a good thing to keep in mind), but you can get closer to understanding them.

(2) You can start by checking out more of Josh Riebock. And his book, mY Generation: A Real Journey of Change and Hope, is available now at Amazon.coms everywhere. :)