Convo-Tip #4: Ask for advice or opinions
People love to talk when they feel like what they say is valued. That’s why important people get tired of superficial conversations. They know the weather isn’t going to matter to you in a week or even three days. They could be spending their time better on something else they enjoy.
I like to keep people in the conversation, though, so I ask for advice or opinions.
Everyone loves giving advice, especially when they think it’s valued. By asking for advice, you’re saying, “I’m not as smart as you, at least in this particular area. So please, will you enlighten me with your vast stores of wisdom?” But you’re saying it sans sarcasm.
When you ask for someone’s opinion, you’re saying, “I’m trying to make up my mind on this, and I’d like your take. I have a feeling it’ll influence me.”
Assuming you actually care, who can pass up those offers? Not many, and if you’re already in a conversation, the odds are even less.
Warning: Don’t be needy
Perhaps the only reason someone would resent sharing their advice or opinions about something they care about, besides an insanely packed schedule or lack of energy, is if you come across as needy. Don’t do that.
Make it obvious that you care about the person, not just the advice or opinion. You can do that by pursuing strings of conversations where the advice won’t necessarily benefit you but where you see that your friend is interested in.
For example, if you have a friend who’s into woodworking, ask about it and dig into the details even if you have no intention of taking up the hobby yourself.
The idea behind all this, again, is that people love to share when they feel that what they share is valued. They like sharing even more when…
- They’re talking about a topic they love
- They’re talking about a topic they feel competent/extraordinary in
By asking for advice and opinions, you have the opportunity to combine all three of those. And let the conversation run from there.
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Engage someone later today and ask for their advice. Soak it up and then dig even further by asking followup questions.
(2) Get someone’s opinion. Is there someone you know who might have an interesting opinion on a topic you’ve been thinking about lately? Call ’em up and ask about it.
(3) This tip is especially useful when you might otherwise be tempted to ask for favors. Don’t ask for favors – ask for advice.