Give a man a fish (because examples might beat instruction)

(Photo: Kissimmee)

No doubt you’ve heard some variation of the common refrain, If I do it for them, they’ll never learn. We often throw in a reference to fishing too.

These “words of wisdom” seem to creep up all over the place: at work, at home, even at church. I know I’ve caught myself with the thought more and more lately.

  • “If I take up the slack in their schedule, they’ll never learn consistency.”
  • “If I correct all the grammar for them, they’ll never learn to write correctly.”
  • “If I give a man a fish, he’ll never learn how to fish.”

This isn’t the case for everyone, but I’ve noticed for me it’s become nothing more than an excuse. It’s become my way of “helping” by not helping.

So I’m trying to build a habit of asking myself a simple question in these situations:

Is this for their benefit… or for mine?

Or to make the question sting even more:

Is this more for their benefit… or more for mine?

If that first one doesn’t nail me, the second one almost always does. Because 99% of the time when I use the “If I do it, they won’t learn” line of thinking, I’m more focused on me than them. I’ve rationalized it away, thinking that my help might cripple them, when really I just don’t want to help.

Do you all use the same excuse? If yes, is it an excuse for you, or are you legitimately helping when you stand aside?

The more I look at the life of Jesus, the more I realize how often He went ahead and did things for people instead of “teaching” them. Matthew 14:13-21 comes to mind. Really, He taught by example.

I’m thinking maybe you and I can adopt a similar approach. Maybe instead of thinking, If I do it, they won’t learn, we could shift to, I’ll do it so they’ll learn.

What are you thinking?

Serving Suggestions:

(1) As an experiment, why not try doing things for people, even if they should do them themselves. To me, it’s a little like giving away money – it’s freeing to know I’m going above and beyond. Try it, and maybe you’ll know what I mean.

(2) I’d love your thoughts on this. Teaching a man to fish is often an excuse for not giving him yours. But not always. So when’s the right time to let other people do things on their own instead of continuing to help them along? When should we instead live the example?