A lot about serving others comes back to influencing them. Giving them stuff is one thing but helping them shift their perspective is another. It literally changes the course of people’s lives.

So in this video, I thought I’d take a step back and look at the three basic tools you and I can use to influence people.

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Takeaway:

1. The three tools for influencing others are your prayers, your life, and your words.

2. It’s important to keep those order.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Which of the three has influenced you the most? Prayer is a sometimes a tricky one, but give it a chance. Often, you will know who’s praying for you without realizing it.

(2) Now consider each of these areas for yourself. Where are you strongest? Where are you weakest? Do you have trouble speaking out to people about Jesus, or is it harder for you to speak to Jesus?

(2) One thing I’ve found helpful is to choose just one person I’d like to influence positively, instead of a bunch of people. Maybe it’s a friend at work or your spouse or one of your kids. Whoever it is, think of some specific ways you can use each of these three tools to influence that one person.

(Photo: Beth Rankin)

Conversations with friends, even acquaintances, are one thing. Conversations with… well, people you don’t even know, that’s another. Probably the most immediate problem in those conversations is not knowing what to say to start off.

So hey, this is what you do – serve others – so plan ahead with some conversation starters. Own at least one.

Get out a pad of paper or word processor and write out a list of ten things you might say to someone you’ve never met. Be creative – don’t stick to, “Hi, how are you?” Specifically think of things to say that would jolt someone out of normalcy.

Once you have a list of ten – yes, that might be difficult until you get going – condense it back down to three or four that you really like. From there, try them out. Which do you like when you’re actually using them?

Whittle your list down to one that you totally love. That’s your new intro… your conversation starter. Own it.

Warning: Don’t take your starter too seriously

This is especially true if you’re reusing the same starter over and over again (and I think that’s a good idea). Keep it fun. Once you use it a couple times, some of your friends’ll pick up on it when they hear you using it for other people you meet. At that point, it could start to feel stale, but you need to push through that dip and keep it exciting anyway.

That’s what owning a conversation starter is all about. Make it part of your brand, so when people hear it, they automatically think of meeting you. Make it part of your testimony. Make it interested. We love when you do that.

Serving Suggestion:

(1) Make a 10-item list.

(2) Shave it down to three or four.

(3) Try out those three or four today or over the next week. Find out which your like… which get the best response. (Hint: you can practice it on people you already know too).

(4) Decide on one you (and others) love and use it all over the place.

(Photo: pedrosimoes7)

People love to talk when they feel like what they say is valued. That’s why important people get tired of superficial conversations. They know the weather isn’t going to matter to you in a week or even three days. They could be spending their time better on something else they enjoy.

I like to keep people in the conversation, though, so I ask for advice or opinions.

Everyone loves giving advice, especially when they think it’s valued. By asking for advice, you’re saying, “I’m not as smart as you, at least in this particular area. So please, will you enlighten me with your vast stores of wisdom?” But you’re saying it sans sarcasm.

When you ask for someone’s opinion, you’re saying, “I’m trying to make up my mind on this, and I’d like your take. I have a feeling it’ll influence me.”

Assuming you actually care, who can pass up those offers? Not many, and if you’re already in a conversation, the odds are even less.

Warning: Don’t be needy

Perhaps the only reason someone would resent sharing their advice or opinions about something they care about, besides an insanely packed schedule or lack of energy, is if you come across as needy. Don’t do that.

Make it obvious that you care about the person, not just the advice or opinion. You can do that by pursuing strings of conversations where the advice won’t necessarily benefit you but where you see that your friend is interested in.

For example, if you have a friend who’s into woodworking, ask about it and dig into the details even if you have no intention of taking up the hobby yourself.

The idea behind all this, again, is that people love to share when they feel that what they share is valued. They like sharing even more when…

• They’re talking about a topic they love
• They’re talking about a topic they feel competent/extraordinary in

By asking for advice and opinions, you have the opportunity to combine all three of those. And let the conversation run from there.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Engage someone later today and ask for their advice. Soak it up and then dig even further by asking followup questions.

(2) Get someone’s opinion. Is there someone you know who might have an interesting opinion on a topic you’ve been thinking about lately? Call ‘em up and ask about it.

(3) This tip is especially useful when you might otherwise be tempted to ask for favors. Don’t ask for favors – ask for advice.

Songify your voice (Photo: davidchief)

Ever met someone who sounds like a constant library voice? What about the other guy, the one who sounds like the “Cold beer here!” baseball salesman… all the time?

Guess what… you can learn from both. Because most people speak flatly, whether that flatness is way up top, way down low, or way in the middle.

So shake it up – speak like a singer.

If you listen to some contemporary, mainstream music, you can pick up the formula. Singing begins in the verse. This is where you hear the song’s story. After the verse, though, the singing busts out in chorus. This is where the pitch rises and you’re most likely to hear the name of the song sung.

While I don’t suggest you start screaming in your conversation or slipping your own name in, you can certainly take advantage of multiple voice tones.

Bring your voice down near a whisper when you’re sharing something important and personal. Speak. Slower. For emphasis. But don’t be afraid to raaaaaaaise your pitch and speed to convey energy and excitement and enthusiasm.

Warning: Don’t change your voice just to change it

If you do it just to do it, you automatically sound contrived. Like a lot of lame singers. Instead let your voice follow the flow of the conversation to coax it where you want it to go. Don’t fall overboard into theater land but definitely push what feels comfortable.

Overall, don’t fall for the “I’m an extrovert, so I raise my voice” trap, and don’t fall for the “I’m an introvert, so I speak softly” trap. Use both. Take command of your vocal range and exploit it. It’s straight up exciting to practice.

And listen to.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) In a conversation today, vary your voice just a little more than you normally would. Specifically, I’d suggest trying to bring your voice down near whisper quality. That seems easier than going the other way. But with practice, try going both ways with your voice.

(2) You can even try it first with someone you know you can explain it to if it flops.

(3) Start listening for friends of yours or even people you don’t know who use more vocal variety than avarage. This might be the only time I recommend watching any TV… or you could listen to different people online. However you listen, learn from them. And then try it.