10 steps to the Thank You note habit

Thank You notes are a lost art – I don’t need to tell you that. The habit is even less common. But Thank You notes are simple to write, and a blessing to receive (and send). So why lost?

Yesterday, I came across a brief post about Thank You notes. I’d been meaning to write about this for a while, but her mention of it tipped me over the edge (thanks to Mrs. Donnelson). With this post, I’d like to encourage you to send one (or two or make it a habit). I’m by no means an expert Thank You note writer. Take what you can from my suggestions, but mostly, start Thank You-ing.

1. Decide to write a Thank You note

If you wait for circumstances to prompt you to send a Thank You note, you probably won’t send any. Just think how that approach has worked for you in the past.

Instead decide up front that you’re going to write a Thank You.

2. Choose someone to thank

Again, I suggest this step before you even have a “reason” to thank someone. Choose someone based on who needs to be thanked rather than who’s done something for you worthy of thankfulness. In other words, who will most benefit from receiving a Thank You note? Choose that person.

3. Find a reason to thank

Only now, after choosing who to write, do I suggest brainstorming the actual topic of the Thank You note. Starting with the person instead of the reason can be a challenge when it comes to this step, but I think it helps you dig deeper into thankfulness. Here are three tips to guide you with your topic choice:

1. Thank for (seemingly) small stuff. The smaller the detail, the more thankful you seem. If you’re willing to write a Thank You note because someone let you “borrow” some staples, your thankfulness will skyrocket, and your friend will realize that you notice and really care.

2. Thank off season. Pay particular attention to sending Thank You notes when it’s not right after your birthday or Christmas. While I still promote that, I think it can sometimes just look like you’re promoting gift giving for yourself. Also, it takes away some of the spontaneousness of the Thank You.

3. Thank for intangibles. Try to thank for who the person is instead of what the person’s done. What I mean is, try sending a note thanking a friend for being a patient listener instead of just when you receive a free meal.

4. Get the address

If you have it in an address book, fantastic. Often in my experience, though, I don’t have the person’s address. You can look it up sometimes, but a strategy I like better is simply to call and ask for the address.

I like this because it builds anticipation. Call and say, “Hi, I’m writing you a short Thank You note but realized I don’t have your address. Would you mind giving it to me?” Now your friend gets to look forward to your note. Sometimes anticipation is just as fun as actually receiving the note. Just be sure to say “short Thank You note” when you call so your friend doesn’t expect a long letter.

5. Pick or purchase a Thank You card

If you’ve not written much in the past, you might have to buy cards. That’s a good thing, though. Choose a pack so you’ll have extras to send to others in the future. Pick cards that are versatile, so you can send them to anyone any time of year, but also be sure to choose cards that are “you” (that match your personality).

6. Write a draft

Yes, I know it sounds lame, writing a draft for something as short as a Thank You note. But do it. You’ll be glad you did (at least I have been). By the way, the need to write a draft implies you’re not typing this up in a word processor. I didn’t think you would type it but just wanted to be sure.

Format suggestion:

Date: I forget this one too often, but it’s a nice touch to include. Write it in the upper right corner.
Salutation: I suggest, “Dear Mr. (or Mrs. or Miss) ______.” I like the more formal style even if you’re on a first name basis because it reminisces of the days when Thank You notes were more common. But use your own judgment.
1st sentence: “Thank you for…” I’ve heard that you’re not really supposed to begin that way, but I’m like, “Whatever with that.” I think it’s fine. Stay short and punchy with this line.
2nd sentence: Unpack that first sentence by telling what exactly you’re thankful for and, if applicable, how you realized you’re thankful for it (see example below).
3rd sentence: Explain why you’re thankful and why the reason you’re thankful matters.
4th sentence: Repeat your thanks. I’m not sure you can’t repeat this too often in a Thank You note.
Closing: If it’s to a relative, “Love” works. You can sometimes get away with it to close friends as well. If it’s to a Christian, you could write, “Blessings in Christ,” or “Your brother [or sister] in Christ.” If you really can’t think of the right words, just set off the fourth sentence (the repeated thanks) from the rest of the note and use it as a closing.
Signature: Finally, sign the note. I like a simple first name.

I try to go for a very informal tone (except for that “Mr.”). Use contractions (“you’re” instead of “you are,” etc.). Use small words and short sentences.

7. Write the note

After you’ve edited your draft (if it needs it), write the note in your best handwriting.

Here’s an example:

Dear Mr. _______,

Thank you for being such a patient listener. I particularly noticed this the other day as I watched you interact with the children in your Sunday School class. They seemed to really engage with you because of it. Again, thank you.

Blessings in Christ,

Marshall

8. Prepare the envelop and pack the card

Address the envelop and put a stamp on it. Include your return address. Make sure the a stamp is current. Pack the card and seal it in.

9. Drop the note in a mail box

I know I’ve had cards sitting around for a couple days for no reason in particular. Don’t do that. Get out and mail the thing (including the date in step 6 helps motivate you). ‘Tis a wonderful feeling.

10. Plan to repeat steps 1-10

Once you’ve sent one, make a plan to send another within a certain time, say within a month. Jot it down on your calendar. Recruit friends to keep you accountable on your Thank You notes (and encourage them to build the habit too). It will bless others more than you think. And it will bless you more than you think. Try it.

This is a fairly (almost ridiculously) detailed guide. Remember, though: thanking for anything is better than nothing. Don’t sweat it if you don’t follow these suggestions. Just write something. Just thank.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Send a Thank You note. (You saw that one coming, right?)

(2) How about spreading this around? Team up with others to commit to writing a note per month or more (and don’t just write to each other). Watch your thankfulness explode.