Whose info are you sharing?
Transparency can certainly deepen friendships, but if you’re going to be all open with your information, you have to ask yourself a pretty important question first:
Is this really your information, or is it someone else’s?
If it’s someone else’s info, you can’t share it. If it’s someone else’s info, it’s not yours to share.
So the next question is…
What is “someone else’s information”?
Someone else’s information is usually anything specifically relating to a person that’s shared…
- …With less than four people in the conversation.
- …With only family members present.
- …After someone asks to keep the conversation confidential.
For example…
1. Your friend says she wants to have another baby.
2. Your friend says he’s going to fire someone at work.
3. Your friend says she thinks the youth pastor isn’t setting a good example.
4. Your friend says he’s struggling with disciplining his children.
5. Your friend says she’s looking for a house to buy.
6. Your friend says he’s trying to start a new career.
Each of those relate specifically to a person – they’re not impersonal topics.
Ask permission
In each of these situations, if it’s that important or if it’s something you think you’ll share with others, just ask. Ask your friend if it’s okay for you to share the information with others. Your friend might even want you to spread the word to help find that new career or new house or whatever… but don’t assume.
Remember too that if there’s more than one person involved, you need everyone’s permission before you share it.
- You need to ask your friend’s kids before you share that he’s having trouble disciplining them.
- You need to ask the person who might lose his job before you share that he’s getting fired (unless you’re sharing with another boss or something).
- You need to ask the husband before you share that his wife wants another baby.
And that’s just three of the six examples. In any of those situations, if that’s too much to ask, don’t share it.
Or if you must (seriously, make sure this is a must), then share it anonymously. Don’t use names, and don’t share it with someone who will recognize the situation even without names.
When people tell you something, they’re giving you the right to hear it, not necessarily the right to repeat it.
“A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.” –Proverbs 11:13
Serving Suggestions:
(1) Don’t share someone else’s information. Don’t lie about it – just don’t say anything about it… or if you’re asked directly, say you’re not able to share anything about it.
(2) Instead, share your own information. And if a friend shares something you might want to tell others, ask if it’s okay that you do. Treat information like it has an owner.