6 simple phrases to stop (NOT stomp) any argument

Like tango, it takes two to argue.

Take a look – most arguments follow a fairly basic structure:

Person 1 accuses Person 2 of something.

Person 2 defends and then attacks.

Person 1 defends and then attacks.

Person 2 defends and then attacks…

This goes on and on until the cycle is broken.The cycle can break a bunch of different ways, but the healthiest is when at least one person chooses to stop defending and attacking.

Without a defense and attack, the argument can’t continue.

That’s “muy importante.” Unlike tango, it only takes one to stop an argument. So here are six phrases to use to stop defending and attacking and start reconciling.

1. “I know you’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I’m mostly improvising here.”

You’re admitting your “opponent” has the advantage (in a good way). This will help defuse insecurity.

2. “Can you explain [CERTAIN PROBLEM YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND] a little more?”

Here you’re just giving up your response. You’re allowing the other person to talk again. Again, it’s a way to give away the advantage.

3. “I feel hurt by that.”

Instead of attacking the other person, you’re sharing how you feel. They might not care how you feel at all, but by not blaming them, you’re opening the conversation to find out what the issue really is.

4. “I’m glad we’re talking about this. I’m starting to understand where you’re coming from.”

Even if you still totally don’t agree, acknowledging that you’re understanding what’s at stake goes a long way.

5. “I apologize for…”

You don’t even need to apologize for the whole deal, just something – anything – where you misstepped. Don’t expect a return apology, but you’ll most likely soften the overall discussion.

6. “You’re right.”

Again, you don’t need to give up everything you’ve said. You can just agree with one statement the other person’s made. It’s important, though, that you say this without following it with “but.” Just say, “You’re right,” and then turn surrender your chance to respond.

The trick with every one of these is to say the phrase and then shut up. You’re trying to respond without defending or attacking. In fact, you’re trying to respond by showing even more vulnerability.

Overall, just remember it only takes one to stop an argument. So stop tangoing. You’ll step on each other’s toes. <<Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the worse joke I’ve pulled today. You’re welcome.

Serving Suggestions:

(1) Study these phrases and try to use them next time you’re in an argument. Don’t worry so much about the particular phrasing. Focus on the meaning behind them.

(2) The downside to this list is that you have to wait for an argument. I don’t want you starting one on purpose just so you can try these. The upside, though, is that you can use these phrases in normal conversation too to help build report.

(3) What other phrases have you found useful, both from what you’ve said and what you’ve noticed others have said to calm situations?